Sunday, January 9, 2011

Crazy little thing called...

Shortly after writing yesterdays post about decisions, I got hit with a really big decision like a slap in the face. Oh the irony!...
In my experience, the worst decisions to make are the ones where your mind and your heart seem to be playing a game of tug-o-war with you and both pulling you in polar-opposite directions.
The worst decisions to make are the ones that centre around love, and the difficulties and hardships that come with its territory.
I had to decide in the midst of many tears yesterday whether to give up or persevere. Whether to hold on or protect myself from heartbreak by turning my back. Whether to be strong and hope that the dream will one day become a reality, or to climb out of fantasy land and take a step into the real world.
There was no easy option. Both mean a long hard road ahead, but that's when I had to weigh up the costs and decide which risk to take. The risk of giving up and wondering what could have been, or the risk of throwing my caution to the wind and hoping things turn out in our favour. Risks have never been my favourite in all honesty, especially not this one...
I'm not one for cliche sayings that people seem to throw around casually and hope that they'll solve every problem, but one quote comes to mind in the midst of this, and that is;
"How do you wait around for something you know may never happen, but how do you give up when you know it's everything you want?"..
Yes folks, it appears we have ourselves a bit of a catch-22 situation here. What a joy.
To cut a long story short, and to give you my two cents worth from what I learnt in this whole charade, is that you can't put a price on love and it's cost cannot be measured against anything. Love is something to fight for, hold onto and persevere through the hard times to maintain and keep strong. Nobody ever said it was easy, in fact, they'll tell you just how hard it can be, but how can you expect it to enjoy it's rewards if you run away at the first signs of struggle?
I am no love guru, but just a girl who is starting to discover a bit more about the feeling, and what a very complex feeling it is.

One thing is for sure, people can never be depended upon without the realisation that humans are humans, they let us down, they make mistakes and sometimes things don't always play out the way we envision. The only absolute in this world, and the only absolute and constant that I have come to know in this life is the love of God. Unchanging, relentless and as passionately consuming as a fire. If there's one thing I would bet my bottom dollar on, it would be God's love for me, and what a great, unfathomable love it is.
To end off, here's a quote by one of my favourite authors:
"Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not" - CS Lewis


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