Tuesday, August 16, 2011

How to stress yourself out before moving overseas

As much as I would not consider myself a melodramatic, anxious, nail-biting stress ball, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have quite a substantial list of irrational fears that have accumulated over the weeks leading up to this 'big move' to the USA. And here they are, in black and white, 'Ways to stress yourself out before relocating overseas'
  • Stare into your well stocked wardrobe and realize there's less than a zero% chance that all your loved ones (clothes) are coming along with you.
  • Look down at the size of your suitcase and come to terms with the fact that your whole life needs to now fit inside one medium sized area of rectangular space, remembering that you are no Mary Poppins, just a regular gal. 
  • Consider the fact that your overweight luggage will probably cost you about as much as your first month's rent, and not even sobbing at the check-in counter like you did last time will get you out of this one. 
  • The horror of having to navigate your way through foreign airports like a lost fart in a perfume factory, whilst lugging around a suitcase that is the same weight as a dead sumo wrestler. 
  • Develop an irrational fear of sitting next to either a smelly, overly talkative or just plain creepy individual for 20-something hours in a claustrophobic compartment in the sky that some call an 'air plane.'
  • Then there's always the thought of somebody misplacing your entire life (a.k.a massive suitcase), which is a very probable fear considering airlines would lose our heads if they weren't screwed on.
  • The crippling fear of being denied access into the USA, that is induced by watching one too many episodes of 'Border Security.'
  • Missing flights. Need I elaborate further?
  • The fear that I may enjoy American food a bit more than I should, and end up occupying 2 seats on the return flight.
  • Developing habits like saying "french fries" instead of "chips", "ketchup" instead of "tomato sauce" and spelling colour without the "u."
  • Becoming a coffee drinker due to the close proximity of Starbucks stores. 
  • Ponder the fact that your mom's home cooked meals are about to become a missed memory.
  • Realize that the only face-to-face time you will have with family and friends for the next year is via a webcam. 
  • The sad reality that you wont be able to cuddle your pugs again until the year 2012.
  • Knowing that you are going to have to substitute biltong with "beef jerky" and braai's with "BBQ's"
  • Realise that you are going from Southern Hemisphere winter to northern hemisphere winter, and by the time your skin sees summer sunshine again, you will be see-through. 

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