From where the grass is always greener

In six short little days I will once again be hauling myself and my 46kgs worth of luggage from Durban to Dubai and then on to San Francisco where I will begin round 2 of my Californian adventures. 
Looking back over my shoulder at this exact time last year, I was overdosing my blog with posts about leaving home, traveling the world, flying the nest and whatnot. In that time of my life I was a rookie in all things pertaining to an overseas life. I was excited and my tone of writing couldn't hide it.
This time around, I am practically sweeping the fact that I'm leaving under the rug of denial in a hope that the day will never actually dawn. Am I looking forward to returning to the States? In many ways yes. Am I ready to leave home for another year? In most ways no. 
You see, I am ridiculously grateful to be a nineteen year old girl with the world as her oyster, an air ticket in hand and a year long American dream awaiting her. Don't get me wrong, I never stop reminding myself that I live an outrageously blessed life. What I have realized though, is that last time around I was ready to leave behind a string of things that I had taken very for granted. This time around, knowing what it's like to live without these things, I'm more reluctant about letting them go. Before I left last time, I was right there on the bandwagon with all the other negative South Africans wanting to flee to greener pastures and 'escape' this country's downfalls. This time around I know that the greener pasture is the one beneath my feet. The people, the culture, the land that is alive and pulsating with life, the sunsets, the sea, the sounds of the night, the smells, the food, the lifestyle second to none. These are just a few reasons why I'm sad to see South Africa disappear into the distance for another whole year. 
But, that being said and heartily felt, I don't doubt that California round #2 is going to be a whole lot sweeter than it's predecessor. I'm excited about returning to a foreign country that no longer feels very foreign but rather an extension of home. I can't wait to see familiar faces, and hear familiar voices although the accents remain foreign. I can't wait to move into the new apartment, catch the tail end of the summer and most of all, begin second year at ministry school which all along has been the method to my madness in wanting to live in America. 
Until then, if anyone needs me, I will be sucking the marrow out of what remains of my South African holiday, which involves a farewell party, family braais, restaurant dinners, all-you-can-eat sushi, and burning a couple holes in a couple dance floors. 
Moral of the story: Sometimes it takes arriving at a green pasture to realize that you've always been standing on one. It's all in your perspective.