Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Dating do's and dont's by Dani Toscano

My friend Dani who is the pretty face and brilliant brain behind the blog 'Gypsy Traveller' has just done a post entitled "Guys - The dating tips you need (trust me)."
Dani sent out a group message to a bunch of our lady friends on Facebook last week asking us for our two cents worth regarding the do's and dont's of dating that every guy should know.
I thought the post was so flippin fantastic that I decided to repost in my online journal.
Enjoy...


Guys - the dating tips you need ( trust me)

For this post I decided to do a little fieldwork and hit the streets, to ask the ladies for a few do's and dont's that they would like the guys to be aware of when it comes to them pursuing a relationship or being in one.


 I find males constantly moaning to me that girl's are so complicated and that they can't figure us out and blah blah blah...well guys, here is a list of exactly what we want and don't want. This should make your lives a little easier. Oh, and if you think its unfair that you don't get to compose a list for us to follow, then just remember that you're supposedly the uncomplicated gender and therefore you shouldn't need a list. Bam.

DO...

* Always open the car door for her or hold out her seat for her in a restaurant (proving thatchivalry has not completely died in our generation)

Make effort with the small things - little memories and personal jokes etc. Generally girls are sentimental creatures

* Offer her your hoodie when she is cold, "nothing better than drowning in an oversized men's hoodie"  - quote from Jessica Swart

*Make an effort to find out about her likes and dislikes, that's where the little things count. For example, if she likes music make her a mixed tape of her favourite songs ( side note: it would be even better if the songs held meaning for your relationship)

*If she's had a bad day or is feeling sick, make an effort to make her feel better..Phone her or go over to her house with popcorn and chocolate and a comedy to make her laugh (this is all depending on how far you are in the relationship of course), but the important thing is that you show you care

*Pick up on social cues - a girl will tell you if she's interested or uninterested just by the way she acts, or by her body language. If she's uninterested stop flirting, please save yourself and STOP . Otherwise you will force her to ignore the heck out of you and that just makes things awkward.
*Learn the love languages ( just google "love languages" ). Find out how she shows love and make effort in those areas - eg. if she likes giving surprise gifts to people, she'll like surprise gifts from you.

* Take initiative and make the first move - girls like guys who take the lead and make decisions. This also includes being man enough to tell her that you like her/love her/ want to pursue a relationship ( all depending if her social cues indicate that she feels the same ).

* Be open and honest. Don't leave the small issues in the dark because they will eventually become big issues. Talk to her about them,she will appreciate the honesty in the long run regardless of how much it may hurt to hear in the present.


*Go the extra mile. Most girls love the occasional big gesture because it makes them feel like they are appreciated and special to you. For example, drive a long distance just to see her or take her out to a place you can't really afford. 

*Make sure that you notice and acknowledge if she got a new haircut, because it was probably to impress you. If she's dressed up for a night out, tell her that she looks beautiful . If she's just in her pyjamas, still tell her that she looks beautiful. Remember, girls have insecurities and its up to you to get rid of them.( side note: most girl's would rather be called beautiful than hot)

*Tell her things. Everything.Communication is key.Girls want to get inside your head. They want to know how your mind works. They want to know everything from the big stuff, to the little details about your day that another 'normal' person wouldn't care about. On the flip side of that, listen to her - this is a great way to get to know how she thinks and what she values.

* Pay the bill, or at least always offer to pay for it. This makes girls feel like they are with a man who can take care of them.

* Have fun with her. Girl's aren't only about deep meaningful conversations and emotions, they also love to have fun. Take her on adventures. Teach her a skill that she can boast to her friends about. Take her on dates in unusual beautiful places. Go the extra mile. Not just once in a blue moon, but every day.

*In public make sure she's accounted for.. Stand next to her in a social gathering, rub her back while you're talking to others. This is a great way to let a girl know that you're thinking about her even though your full attention is not on her. 

* Connect with her family. It's important to most girl's that their boyfriends like their families and that their families like their boyfriends. So make the effort no matter how scary it may be. Man up.

* Get involved in some form of ministry together, share thoughts about God and your faith, pray together. This is the most binding part of a relationship

* Last but not least, pursue her .This is probably the most important point and links up to the one about taking initiative. If you like her, you need to do what it takes to win her over, and then even when you are dating, you need to continue to win her over. It's just how it works.





DON'T...

* Give mixed signals, if you're undecided on your feelings don't make any moves until you've decided whether you like the girl or not because remember, girls always overthink things and try to read between the lines.

Play games. This links to the above point. Real relationships aren't about playing hard to get, being manipulative,  or flirting with other girls to get her attention, leave that nonsense up to the cast of Bold and the Beautiful.

* Be immmature. Nobody likes a guy who is clingy, whiney and sulks a lot. This will just drive a girl away, and besides, you are not five years old.

*Talk about how hot other girls are.. even actresses. That may have been okay when you were single, but not when you are pursuing or in a relationship. A girl wants to feel beautiful around you... not second best, and you don't want to be causing any more insecurities for her.

 * Control her. Nothing is worse than a boyfriend taking on the role of 'Dictator husband,' telling her who she can and can't be friends with and what she can and can't wear. Don't confuse being possessive with being protective - there is a huge difference.

Use cheesy pick up lines or cliche's. It's not ideal and it won't work out in your favour. Trust me. Girl's like romance, but not mushy cliches.

Get too intense too soon.Taking it slow never killed anybody. It will also show the girl that you are respectful of her and the relationship and will prevent premature emotional attachment which could end up in hurt.

Be afraid to make a fool out of yourself. Girl's like a guy who is confident within himself without being arrogant. Laughter is the quickest way to someones heart.

* Use disrespectful language around her, even if all your friends are. Toilet humour is not okay. Remember, girls always like a gentleman.

Pursue a relationship with several girl's at once. Take the time to figure out who you want to be with ( one person) and then pursue that girl only. side note. If you have a flirtatious nature, be very careful, because it may seem serious to the girl you are pursuing and can also be very hurtful, even if it is unintentional.



Well, I hope these tips proved to be helpful for all the men out there....I'm sure you all are or are going to be wonderful boyfriends/husbands, but a little advise from the inside never hurt anybody right? 

Many thanks to the amazing input from Megan Carrie, Jessica Swart, Caitlin Johnston, Megan Pilditch, Julie Patrick, Pasqua Heard, Tam Ballard and Lucy Hobbs. You are all fantastic woman and you basically wrote half this post, so thank you!




{Images: We Heart It}

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